It has been almost two weeks since Mama passed away. On Saturday, we will visit her niche for the first time. In this time, my family has been so grateful, to all those who have shown their love to Mama and to us in so many ways - in attending the wake and funeral, in sending beautiful flowers, and wishes and prayers. We are most grateful to our God, for He has been here every step of the way. He is a God who is close to the broken-hearted.
It is funny how even Mama's death has been an important platform for lessons in the journey of life for me, as I am sure it has been for my family as well. I am still grieving, something I ignorantly thought I should have finished with last Saturday, which marked the first week after her passing away. I was filled with such a heaviness of spirit the whole day which I could not explain. Though Mark was leaving the next day for a week-long working trip, I knew that though I would miss him, it could not explain my lowness of mood.
It was only when I was in Mark's home, helping him pack, that I suddenly realised how much I missed Mama when he asked me if he should get presents for anyone while he was on the trip, and I almost asked him to look out for something for Mama that I felt the great loss once again. I have realised I need to give myself time to grieve. Mark told me that it was important that I cry whenever I need to cry, and not to hold it all in in my attempt to be strong. I am sure this experience is the same for my other family members too. While we do move on and laugh and find joy in things, I am sure, especially for my aunts and uncles and my mum, there have been times where we just miss her so much - simply because, as my uncle's friends so beautifully put it in Mama's blog, she had filled such a huge space in our hearts that has now been left empty. She loved us completely and with her whole heart. And we who are left behind will always feel the emptiness, especially acute when we remember the good times with her, just how she would say things to us and just how much she loved us. So grieving must be done, and in God's own time.
King Solomon, the wisest man on earth, said in his book of love poetry that "Love is as strong as death." Song of Songs 8:6. In Hebrew, it translates to love being as strong as sheol, or the grave. Mama's death has shown this to be true. In fact, true love goes far beyond the grave.
Mama taught my whole family something very important about love. I suppose we knew it all along, but it is only when a person is gone that you can start to sense the legacy he or she has left behind. So many people said they were blessed even just attending the wake and funeral services that my family conducted for Mama, something people rarely say at a funeral. Mama's wake was as full of laughter and joy as it was of tears. People watched a video, which Mark helped to assemble the night before Mama passed away. It was a tribute to her life, and for Mama's old friends it was truly a "Celebration of Life", as the video and service were so aptly titled, as they remembered the wonderful person Mama was and the fun times they had had with her. Many were moved to tears during the worship time and as we sang some of Mama's favourite songs. God was truly present with us.
And best of all, we could celebrate because of that deep, deep assurance that Mama was not in that body resting in the coffin - that was only her earthly shell now remaining. Mama had gone to be with the Lord. No more aches and pains, no more inability to move around as she wished. Indeed, that is how Mama took her last breath. As one of my aunties was praying, and we all happened to be in her room - no one was out, or in the toilet, or anywhere else - she asked God to take Mama to be with HIm and she told Mama to let go and go to God, where she would be able to soar on wings like an eagle, something she'd never have been able to do in her earthly body. And Mama took her last breath and left us, and we all knew she had gone to be with her God.
I have always feared death, I must confess. My past experiences with people I loved dying have not always been pleasant ones. I have even feared going too near a coffin at a wake, or seeing the body resting in the coffin. Mama's death has taught me something of eternal value. I feel it was God's way of showing me truly what it means to know and believe in Him. I now understand much more what John 3:16 says, "For God so loved the world that He gave His only Son, that whosoever should believe in Him will not perish, but have everlasting life." Having the privilege of being present when Mama passed from this earth to be with God, I can now see that for Christians, death is only but a step from this world into the next, to be with our loving Creator and Lord. I have realised that eternal life does indeed start right now! We are already living in the eternal. And so there is nothing to fear in death. It merely marks an ending of our earthly life and thus a continuation of our present life in Him, except much better - to a place where He will "wipe away every tear from our eyes".
I cannot explain how much I now have this assurance and comfort in my spirit because of what God has graciously taught me in this time. I know Mama has gone to be with Him, and now I can even look forward with anticipation to death because it will mean being reunited with Mama, and most of all, with God. So Mama has left her legacy to us, in life and love, but even in her death. I can only hope the legacy I leave behind is as great and as precious as the one she left to us. It is a legacy of loving so completely and selflessly, the way she loved her children and grandchildren. And the way in which she loved life. And the gracious way in which God chose to take her to be with Him. We are truly grateful.
***We have a blog for Mama, where you can read more of her life. It's at http://gwekcheng.wordpress.com/.
