Preparing for the wedding is easy, from my point of view. It involves a lot of fun and an incredible amount of spending, both of which are always easy to do. Nowadays, it seems that the first question people ask me is, "How is the prep?" Sometimes I even stop and stare for awhile, wondering to myself, "Prep for what?" till I realise what they are referring to.

Of course, these are all really lovely & sweet well-meaning people, and there have been many offers to help, and Mark and I are overwhelmed by how blessed we are by the community around us. There is, however, a much deeper issue which I seem to be facing right now, which is "How prepared am I for marriage?" And that is much harder to answer because it does not involve what colour the linen should be at the banquet, or how much we should be spending on flowers, or how our wedding video is going to turn out.

I wrote the poem on surrender  I just posted before this entry, in the midst of deep questioning. On the psychological scale of stressors, marriage is among the top 3. It involves a total decision to lay down one's rights and to put the other first. It involves swallowing one's pride and constantly admitting you have done something wrong, or simply do not know what to do any longer. It involves leaving one's family and people whom you have been with since you were born, to take that leap of faith into someone else's arms and life. Most of all, and that is where I often feel I struggle most, it involves having enough faith to know that the person you should  be trusting is not your future spouse, but rather God. For in Him all things hold together. And He knows our akareeth (our end).

And so I continue to struggle. I feel the weakest I have probably felt in any one area of life. And I know that the growth in this period of my life will be the steepest, but also the deepest and the fastest. I know that God is anchoring me in Him alone.

And although I still tear when I think of how I will have to leave my family - those who know me know just how close I am to them - I am slowly coming to terms with the fact and facing all that it entails, with God and Mark by my side. Yes, I know God will have to come first, and then Mark. And then my family. And I know in time I will witness all that God has intended for marriage to be, as it was in Genesis in the Creation order. And I know I will experience what it means when God looked at the man and the woman, and said it was very good. And I know it is worth it, because when I think of Mark, I know there is no one else I would want to travel this difficult and yet extremely full journey with - though it can sometimes be painful, it is always very good. 

Marriage was never meant just to make us happy, but to make us holy. - Gary Thomas "Sacred Marriage"

Mark and I have been very amused at the great response to his blog on the wedding :) guess not many husband-to-bes blog about their wedding experience, and I must say I am extremely proud of him... he's done a good job not just "tolerating" all the prep, but much more than that we've been really enjoying it each step of the way! Despite the rushing around and the constant thinking and talking through of the preparation process, we have really benefitted from it in terms of knowing each other more and doing things together :)

The funniest thing so far is the way we have both been making purchases for the wedding... or should I say, rather, how HE has been making purchases for the wedding! Take our bed linen example. I was talking on the phone to my best friend while we were in BHG (Seiyu) walking around the linen section. I saw a pattern I liked and pointed at it, just to tell him I thought it was a nice pattern... and before I knew it, Mark was lining up at the cashier buying it! He thought my gesture had meant that he should buy it. I thought I was just telling him we should look at it. So that's how we ended up with our bedsheets. Which I do like, by the way :).

But the most amusing thing is that it happened again today! We just wandered into a furniture shop in IMM and ended up looking at a lovely set and a dining table set as well. While the salesman was drawing out the proposed plan for how the furniture would fit into the house, I decided to go to the restroom. When I returned, Mark had already paid the deposit for both sets! He thought that I had told him we should get it but I somehow don't remember saying that at all :). But once again, I do like it and I'm fine with the purchase.

People whom we have been telling this to have been very amused. I don't know what else we'll end up buying in my absence :) maybe a jacuzzi tub? A whole new kitchen? Who knows... and someone even remarked to us today that it's good I'm amused by this and not upset instead... but to me, I am grateful as once again it reflects our different styles of decision making.. I am the kind who likes to explore every single alternative before making decisions, and he is the kind who will make them much more easily on the spot. I am grateful because if we did things my way all the time, we'd still get things done - but much more slowly!

We're grateful because many things for the wedding are falling into place. Most important to us was the theme for the wedding as well as the key verse, and we believe God has been speaking to us about this as well... will be revealed eventually, once we have sought Him that this is what He really wants us to focus on in the ceremony and also in our marriage, a lifelong commitment to an unchanging God.

Today (Mother's Day) marked the day Mark and I finally finalised our wedding reception venue at Mt Faber SAFRA, a nice restaurant called Pioneer Spring, at a very reasonable price and near to the church venue which we have tentatively booked, Grace AOG. For me it was the end of a long, long search and many phone calls made by my mum and me. We are very much at peace in our hearts about the decision :) 

God has continued to be faithful and good even when we are faithless. He has provided us with a church venue we were very comfortable with, even from the start, and very nice people we have encountered in the whole process. Also grateful to my mummy for all her help in calling :) was hard to finally get her out of the house and for Mark and I to treat her to a Mother's Day meal, but she finally relented! We treated her to a meal at Potter's Cafe at the same venue, which we realised was our church member Uncle Larry's cafe. Very yummy and generous portions :) blessed Mother's Day, Ma. I really thank God for the example you've given me of how a godly woman, wife and mother can be, one who is secure in her identity in Christ :)

Mark and I continue to be overwhelmed by the love and support our family and friends have shown us in the wedding preparation. So many offers of help on so many occasions and in so many ways! Thanks to all of you :) you represent God's grace and love in our life :)